My Problem With My Weight

I’ve been overweight for as long as I can remember. I’ve always been a chubby girl, and I’ve always been self conscious about my body. I’ve always dreaded stepping onto the scale and seeing if I’ve gained any more weight. I hated seeing myself in photos (and I still do sometimes) and couldn’t do anything about it. When I had really bad anxiety, it got to the point where I couldn’t eat. I had no appetite, and I threw up every morning. I would constantly feel cold, shake, and feel dizzy. The only meal I ate was small bites of food at dinner because my family was watching. I basically developed an eating disorder and was malnourished. I barfed up bile every morning because my stomach was so upset. I had lost 35 pounds in one month from that. About one year later, I eat full meals (and more) and I’ve gained almost all of it back. My weight is a constant struggle, and I’m so tired of being ashamed of my body. I don’t look overweight when I have clothes on, so I’m kind of the only one who really sees it, but that doesn’t even matter. I want to feel good about myself. I love who I am as a person. I think  I have a good heart and a nice personality. I even think I’m pretty. The only problem I really have is my body. I wan’t to fix it. Not eating isn’t going to help me because I (and everyone else who tries it) just gain the weight all back. I need to change my eating habits and get serious about doing things that make me feel good. I’ve started eating healthier. It really has been a struggle because I’ve been eating unhealthy foods for the rest of my life, and I lack self-control when it comes to food. I am trying though and that is a really good first step. I really do want to do this for me. I want to be better. I don’t have access to a gym, and my family doesn’t really support me or understand that I’m serious about all this, so I’m basically on my own for this all. I’m going to try my best throughout this all, and I hope that anyone else who needs a small push to do what I’m starting to do has gotten it by reading this. Wish me luck.

Love,

Sammy’s Space

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